How 'god' maketh bleach.


This is how the Judeo-Christian 'god' directs his disciples to make bleach, which is used for all sorts of sanitation reasons and in purification rights for dealing with devils and other "unclean" things.



First, 'god' doth command thee to fashion thou a large pottery vessel with an open top. The lord calleth such a vessel a "bucket".

Secondly, the lord sayeth to fashion a multitude of thin dissimilar metal strips, all the same length and about the length of thy hand. Useth two kinds of metals, copper and bronze will do just fine, and if the lord thus willed it, he shall illuminate one on how to make a blast furnace capable of smelting iron. Thou shalt also make a very long strip of the one metal, and a very long strip of the other metal as 'god' didith command.


Third, stack the dissimilar metals one on top of the other, one kind after the other, with a strip of cloth between each strip of metal with a sprinkle of crushed and powdered brimstone on the cloth. Make the last "outside" strip of one side of the bundle one of the long strips, and thus likewise the other side the other long strip in its own turn. Thou shalt bind this bundle together with rope very tightly.


Fourth, thou shalt place this bundle in the "bucket" and then thou shalt piss on thy creation until it is submerged in thy yellowy liquid. The lord calleth this bundle a "DC battery".


Thou shalt then take another "bucket" and fill it with drinking water not befouled with anything unclean. Do not use water that has touched a pig or weasel, as they are unclean and an abomination unto the lord.

Thou shalt boil thy clean water.

Thou shalt dissolve common salt into the boiling clean water until no more salt can thus dissolve, then submerge thy bucket into another larger bucket with cool clean water to rapidly cool it, but take care to not mixeth thy briny solution with the other clean waters. The lord calleth thy briny solution "supersaturated" with salt.

Taketh thy "battery" with the long strips of metals and submerge only the ends of the long metals into the bucket with the briny waters. The lord calleth the long strips "electrodes".

Foul breath of dragons shall issue forth from thy briny waters in itty bitty tiny bubbles, and care should be taken to shield the dragons breath from a fiery open flame. The lord calls this breath "oxygen and hydrogen".


One full day shalt thou keepest this process going, and thy mayest need to have ones family help in replenishing the battery with fresh piss that the lord doth call "electrolite".

After one full day, taketh thy battery elements out of thy salty brine.

After all dragon breath has been fanned away, put thy bucket of briny waters over a fire and heat thy waters. A powdery substance shall form in thy briny waters. The lord calleth the powders "sodium hypochlorite".

When all the powders cease to issue forth, remove thy bucket and allow to cool slowly in the shade. After cooling, poor thy brine over a filter cloth and catch thee the powders accumulated as the lord hath commandeth thee.

Place thou a small child's handful (use the right hand, of course) of powders in another un-unclean bucket and fill with clean waters that have touched no pigs or weasels. This will formeth "bleach" used for cleaning thy nasty human filth and devil droppings.


No, sorry, just kidding.

"The Lord" doesn't tell anyone how to make a blast furnace and how to smelt iron, and certainly not the "heathen" Chinese who were doing it a thousand years before the relatively slower to catch on occidental west.

"The Lord" doesn't "teacheth" anyone how to make bleach, even though this recipe is genuine and the ancient Hebrews had the means to make bleach. Here is how "the word of 'god'" told "the chosen people" how to deal with contagions in the bible.


This one is called "God's law for lepers" and its the whole chapter of Leviticus 14.

Here's the shortened version:

Get two birds. Kill one. Dip the live bird in the water-thinned blood of the dead one. Sprinkle the blood on the leper seven times, and then let the blood-soaked bird fly away. Next find a lamb and kill it. Wipe some of its blood on the patient's right ear, thumb, and big toe. Sprinkle seven times with oil and wipe some of the oil on his right ear, thumb and big toe. Repeat. Finally find another pair of birds. Kill one and dip the live bird in the dead bird's blood. Wipe some blood on the patient's right ear, thumb, and big toe. Sprinkle the house with blood 7 times...


The text goes on to describe head shaving and throwing stones in "unclean" places etc.

It basically describes dealing with plague through witchcraft, dipping birds in bird's blood and slinging it all over the house, and ones walls and clothes etc.

The bible is the "word of 'god'"?

Ha-Ha-Ha!!


"Word of 'god'", my ass. Thanks for playin'.



Mr. Serpent